Devil and Light
by safirewoods
Summary: Ryuichi loved the feelings Tohma gave him... RyuTohma


Title- Devil and Light

Author- Pika-Safire

Beta- Pika Rae-Rae

Rating- M, for slash content

Summary- Ryuichi loved the feelings Tohma gave him… Ryu/Tohma

Disclaimer- Don't own, don't sue

Authors Notes- Read and Review, it's my air!

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Ryuichi loves the feelings Tohma gives him. That feeling of spinning round and round with your eyes closed, or twirling in one of those spinning chairs. It makes him giddy and light-headed. Like having drunk too much wine. Potent and unfathomable- that's Tohma.

He loves the way that Tohma always touches him. Just little caresses as he goes past, stroking his hair, or brushing his hand across his cheek, maybe running his finger down his spine. Sometimes Ryuichi purrs, just to see that genuine smile, not that fake polite smile Tohma uses so often.

Sometimes, when they have to sit through those long meetings, Tohma buys him candy. He always sits next to him and distracts him when the others aren't looking, slipping him candy hearts, or strawberry pocky sticks. Caressing his knee every now and then when he pouts, and wants to crawl under the table and play with Kumagoro. He sends him that sympathetic look, like he knows just what Ryuichi wants to do and gives his hand a squeeze as if to beg him to stay with him for those few extra minutes. Ryuichi always stays when Tohma looks at him like that.

Ryuichi loves how Tohma does little romantic things. Slipping him only the candy hearts that say, "I love you", or "be mine." Tying little notes around Kumagoros' neck. Ryuichi loves how he knows everything will be all right, no matter what the situation is, because Tohma is always there, looking after him and making sure everything goes right.

He doesn't know why Tohma cries. Doesn't understand how he can be so miserable when there is so much to be happy about. The times when K has bought him home, and he's found Tohma in bed with the covers pulled over him, as if to block out everything that's making him sad. The first time it happened, Ryuichi had been scared to get under there with him, scared that he'd let all the bad things in, or that maybe, just maybe, he was one of them. But when Tohma looked at him, with his beautiful tear stained face, looking ashamed, and turned away murmuring an apology, Ryuichi had crawled over, wrapping his friend in his arms and crawling under the covers with him, knowing then that he was making it better.

It has become routine- climbing into bed with Tohma, wrapping his arms around his friends' slight frame and holding him tightly, as if it would stop the tremors that shake his body. He talks about nothing in particular. Maybe about the new outfit he's planning on buying for Kumagoro or some new song lyrics. Sometimes he sings softly. Never pausing his conversation until the shaking has stopped and Tohma's eyes are closed in peaceful sleep; the lines in his face making him seem worn and old.

Ryuichi never leaves, staying awake to guard Tohma's dreams. It's worth it just to see his face when he wakes up, to see him blink his eyes sleepily, oddly unguarded. Ryuichi gives him his winning smile and Tohma always smiles in reply- not much; just a twitch of one corner, but then Ryuichi knows everything will be okay.

Ryuichi never lets him apologise or thank him, but accepts the grateful kisses that Tohma always gives him afterwards. The ones that make his legs turn to jelly and his insides churn. He loves the way Tohma tastes; how his kisses make him forget that the rest of the world exists. He always lets Tohma lead, lets Tohma tell him when to stop; He'll do anything to see him happy.

He feels guilty sometimes- teasing him on stage, playing with him as he does. He loves the power he has when he performs, that feeling that makes him believe he's a giant, standing in front of an anthill. On stage, for those precious hours, he's the one in control; no one can scold him for not having Kumagoro with him, or for being childish. People watch him; they desire him, for his body and for his voice. He can see the same look in Tohma's eyes as he watches his body twist and turn, performing just for him. The stage gives Ryuichi power. The power to give Tohma what he wants. To let him give in to what his body desires without fear. But afterwards, Ryuichi always feels guilty- like he's taken advantage of Tohma, that maybe Tohma hadn't really wanted it. But then again, sometimes Ryuichi can't help it; he loves Tohma best of all.

Angel and Devil

Saint and Sinner

Tohma loves Ryuichi's innocence best; that special blend of ignorance and a complete lack of social skills; His utter misunderstanding of everything. K has definitely got it right when he says that Ryuichi walks a thin line between genius and social stupidity.

He loves those little faces Ryuichi makes. When he's being made to do something he doesn't want to do, when he's chatting away to Kumagoro, and how his tongue pokes out of the corner of his mouth when he's drawing. Ryuichi can be quite an accomplished artist when he wants to be. Tohma has many of his pictures, some of them framed, other filed safely away, some childish and colourful, others betraying the man beneath- a constant reminder of both sides of his Ryu.

He envies his carefree attitude. How he can become so completely entranced with a rainbow, or have the time of his life in a puddle. He makes Tohma feel superficial, like a phoney, he makes him feel as though he's concerned only with money, business, and the best way to succeed. Sometimes he wishes he could be more like Ryuichi. Always having someone there to protect him, to hold him, and to bring him back when he gets lost or distracted, that there was someone to do _his_ work.

He doesn't resent taking care of Ryuichi- quite the opposite. Tohma would walk to the ends of the earth if it meant that Ryuichi could retain his innocence and be happy. So he gladly takes the extra workload, knowing that when it becomes too much, Ryuichi will be there to hold him while he cries.

He always feels guilty afterwards, like he's tainted Ryu by showing his pain. That maybe he's hurting him by doing so, and maybe he understands more than he lets on. When he wakes up, Ryuichi always gives him that innocent smile. The one that makes him want to kiss him and hit him at the same time. The one that makes his heart swell with love yet scream with frustration. Tohma loves Ryu. He loves both sides of Ryu. But it made him feel like a paedophile. When Ryuichi is finally sleeping in his arms, Tohma lies there, hating himself. He could be so much like a child. Who is he to strip away the innocence with his own petty problems and desires?

Tohma loves Ryuichi's grace. That fantastic sensuality he can invoke at will. Clumsy and carefree one moment, dark and powerfully sensual the next. Prowling, like a cat on the hunt, his movements liquid satin. It's almost enough to make Tohma lose all concentration watching him perform. Almost impossible to connect him with the childish character that is his usual persona. It frustrates him- that that side of Ryu is so often locked away, untouchable to him unless Ryuichi permits it.

Those times either on stage or after, the raw sexuality that he radiates, and the blinding desire he invokes - teasing him, watching him, dancing for him. Those little smirks, the looks that make Tohmas' stomach drop, his breath catch and his face flush. Those times there was no doubt that Ryuichi was in charge. Those times, the dressing rooms are never close enough, their clothes never removed fast enough. Passion, raw unbridled desire. The utter need to feel flesh on flesh. Rare times when Tohma can let himself go. Not have to worry about hurting, about being in control. Ryuichi will look after him.

Tohma hates the feeling of confusion; he doesn't like not understanding what is going on. It makes him feel dizzy and out of control. That feeling of spinning round and round with your eyes closed, or twirling in one of those spinning chairs. It makes him giddy and light-headed. Like having drunk too much wine. Unpredictable but addictive- that was Ryuichi.

Light and Darkness

Innocence and Sin

END


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